Bereavement

Thursday 27 March, noon. I received a What's App message from my brother-in-law in Singapore asking me to call him urgently. I was about to leave the house for a lunch appointment but something important must have happened for this kind of messages to arrive. Before the phone could dial through, the text came from sister first on the messaging system that my father has passed away suddenly that morning. 

I sat down on the floor, shocked and in disbelief, paralysed with confusion. He had just returned to Singapore after a 3-month stay with us in Australia. It was barely 3 weeks ago that I had just seen him. My last hug to him at our door as I bade him farewell as he headed off to the airport was still fresh in my memory. What happened? Why?

Details were not very clear as it had happened in Genting Highlands, Malaysia and only my poor mother and an aunt was with him there. I desperately tried to contact my mother and managed to get her through my aunt's phone. She wasn't in a good state and I can only imagine how chaotic and distressing the situation was for her.

The worst thing is, there was nothing much we can do to help her here in Australia. The only thing I could do, after all the sobbing, was to organise our flight back to Singapore urgently, which was a separate story of prayers, blessings and miracles from God. I thank Him for the many favours we found with the authorities and friends, which enabled us to get onto a flight within 48 hours. We arrived at the wake in Singapore shortly after my father's coffin arrived.

The next three days were a continuous flow of ceremonial duties and entertaining mourners. We met up and reunited with many friends and relatives during the wake, many of them I had not seen for many years. I was really happy to see them again although I wished it was under better circumstances. In between, I sneaked quiet moments to gaze and remember my father, who was such a gentle and kind man to the day he departed.

Writing this post brings back sad memories and tears to my eyes. I wished it didn't happen and sometimes I don't even want to talk about it. But denial is not going to turn back time and I do want to document this significant event in my life, for myself and for my children and for the people who cared to remember my father.

My father was a quiet and gentle soul, who never raised his voice and seldom gets angry. He is always calm, to the point of indifferent, but I know he has feelings which he did not show. He doesn't talk much and he's never imposing but surprisingly, now that he's gone, his presence is greatly missed. I realised now that these are his qualities of wisdom and kindness. Yes, he has his shortcomings, but he was a good man. The saddest part is realising you want to get to know him better only after he's dead. There will always be a part of me which regrets not spending more time with him and showing more concern. I was glad however, that he managed to spend the last 3 months with my family in Melbourne. I hope he was as well. In a way, God was graceful to allow our family to celebrate with him for once in many years Christmas, Chinese New Year and his birthday. It was the most boring Chinese New Year for him, but for his birthday, I made him a most beautiful cake, decorated with homemade macarons and handmade sugar cherry blossoms for his 70th birthday. These has become precious final memories of his time with us.

His health was deteriorating and he was frailer than before. But still, no one expected him to go so suddenly. There was no time to say our goodbyes. We are still coping with the loss, especially my mother, who has lived 42 years of her life with him. Nevertheless, despite the tragedy, there were many things in the unfortunate situation we could count our blessings for. We would like to thank all our relatives and friends, who have show your support, personally/remotely, physically/emotionally and spiritually/financially, during this period of bereavement. Thank you for your prayers and concern. We are comforted and blessed by you. God bless you all.