Bereavement

Thursday 27 March, noon. I received a What's App message from my brother-in-law in Singapore asking me to call him urgently. I was about to leave the house for a lunch appointment but something important must have happened for this kind of messages to arrive. Before the phone could dial through, the text came from sister first on the messaging system that my father has passed away suddenly that morning. 

I sat down on the floor, shocked and in disbelief, paralysed with confusion. He had just returned to Singapore after a 3-month stay with us in Australia. It was barely 3 weeks ago that I had just seen him. My last hug to him at our door as I bade him farewell as he headed off to the airport was still fresh in my memory. What happened? Why?

Details were not very clear as it had happened in Genting Highlands, Malaysia and only my poor mother and an aunt was with him there. I desperately tried to contact my mother and managed to get her through my aunt's phone. She wasn't in a good state and I can only imagine how chaotic and distressing the situation was for her.

The worst thing is, there was nothing much we can do to help her here in Australia. The only thing I could do, after all the sobbing, was to organise our flight back to Singapore urgently, which was a separate story of prayers, blessings and miracles from God. I thank Him for the many favours we found with the authorities and friends, which enabled us to get onto a flight within 48 hours. We arrived at the wake in Singapore shortly after my father's coffin arrived.

The next three days were a continuous flow of ceremonial duties and entertaining mourners. We met up and reunited with many friends and relatives during the wake, many of them I had not seen for many years. I was really happy to see them again although I wished it was under better circumstances. In between, I sneaked quiet moments to gaze and remember my father, who was such a gentle and kind man to the day he departed.

Writing this post brings back sad memories and tears to my eyes. I wished it didn't happen and sometimes I don't even want to talk about it. But denial is not going to turn back time and I do want to document this significant event in my life, for myself and for my children and for the people who cared to remember my father.

My father was a quiet and gentle soul, who never raised his voice and seldom gets angry. He is always calm, to the point of indifferent, but I know he has feelings which he did not show. He doesn't talk much and he's never imposing but surprisingly, now that he's gone, his presence is greatly missed. I realised now that these are his qualities of wisdom and kindness. Yes, he has his shortcomings, but he was a good man. The saddest part is realising you want to get to know him better only after he's dead. There will always be a part of me which regrets not spending more time with him and showing more concern. I was glad however, that he managed to spend the last 3 months with my family in Melbourne. I hope he was as well. In a way, God was graceful to allow our family to celebrate with him for once in many years Christmas, Chinese New Year and his birthday. It was the most boring Chinese New Year for him, but for his birthday, I made him a most beautiful cake, decorated with homemade macarons and handmade sugar cherry blossoms for his 70th birthday. These has become precious final memories of his time with us.

His health was deteriorating and he was frailer than before. But still, no one expected him to go so suddenly. There was no time to say our goodbyes. We are still coping with the loss, especially my mother, who has lived 42 years of her life with him. Nevertheless, despite the tragedy, there were many things in the unfortunate situation we could count our blessings for. We would like to thank all our relatives and friends, who have show your support, personally/remotely, physically/emotionally and spiritually/financially, during this period of bereavement. Thank you for your prayers and concern. We are comforted and blessed by you. God bless you all. 

Progressing into Winter

This year's Winter is by far the coldest I've felt. Even in Autumn, I already felt like I was in Winter and Summer, it left no warmth in my memory. Apart from shuttling the kids, grocery shopping and visiting the construction site, I have been pretty much keeping warm at home. Even that I'm finding hard without turning on the heater and wearing a few layers of clothes. Arrgh, the inconvenience of Winter. Each time we dress/undress, we got to do that standing in front of a fan-force heater. And each change would entail at least 4 pieces of clothing to be either washed or sorted. Some days, getting out of bed is a challenge.


On a positive side, the winter chill has not hampered the progress of our house. There were pockets of good sunny days that allowed all the necessary foundation and structure to be set up. Now that the weather is more rainy, they are doing the interior jobs. So far, we're rather happy with Simonds on the progress. There were small hiccups like we had to re-select our bricks (due to nil availability) and front door (due to discontinued model) but it's been ironed out and we're happy they waived the upgrade cost for us after we had to select a brick from a higher category. Other small issues include pilferage of materials from our house. We found the two knobs for turning the awning windows missing after the long weekend. Also, the brick layers from the construction next door have been stealing our water. And phantom people have been using the construction bin outside our house to dump their household waste. It seems theft is quite common (the site supervisor barely raised his eyebrow when he saw the missing knobs on the window and just jotted it down) and apparently worse can happen.


I've recently got a friend to teach me knitting and got started working on two scarves and probably a beanie next. Due to the frosty weather, such accessories have now become a necessity. I had a pair of woolly gloves that I've never had to use over the last few years but this year, it's been especially handy in the mornings. I bet the sale of wool and fleece clothing have gone up over the last month! 


It seemed to us an amazing change compared to the year we first arrived. In 2008, I heard my friend telling us there was no need for umbrellas in Melbourne. The rain were just drizzles that passed in 5 mins. The Winters were mild and the Summers, hot and dry. Remember the forest fires of Black Saturday in 2009? But these last 2 years, things have turned around so much. The dams are now filled and we've started to get a mosquito problem during Summer, something that's not happened before for a long time. The terrain is now looking lushier and greener, the creeks are flowing with water and life again. This was how it was 10 years ago, before the drought set in. In a way, if this is Nature's way of finding a balance for itself, I'm glad. I just have to re-adjust my body thermostat and be more tolerant of the cold.

Mother's Election Hangover Day

It's Mother's Day and I'm having a hangover from too much partying during the last nine days. 

 

Not the normal partying but from an over consumption of political parties and rallies during Singapore's General Election. Even though we are miles away from our home country and two hours ahead, the election fever is burning hot here despite the cooling Melbourne temperatures. At our Mother's Day dinner, currently into its 2nd year, for the Singapore Mothers in Melbourne group, names like Chiam See Tong, Nicole Seah and Wong Kan Seng peppered our conversations as we dipped sashimi in soya sauce and munched Peking Duck. Pity there weren't any Bak Chor Mee or Teo Chew Porridge at the China Bar Signature Asian Buffet restaurant.



A Party of Mothers



Not that we can do anything to make a difference, as making a trip to Canberra to fulfil our national duty at our own expense is too costly, however many of us still felt a close connection to what is going to happen back home. It's ironical but I've never felt so close and interested in Singapore's political scene before I left. Maybe it was because we didn't have such good opposition candidates before. And now, thanks to the internet and social media, we watch rally speeches on Youtube every night and read news reports about the candidates from different parties on different websites, mainstream or otherwise. All of us knew this election was going to be different from the previous and were eagerly waiting for the results to filter in.



XX's Gift



Unfortunately, by the time the first results got announced, it was already 2am Melbourne time. My eyelids started to feel the pull of gravity as I tried to focus them on the tiny square box live streaming the election news on www.ge.sg. By then, there were a few unconfirmed reports that Hougang and Aljunied GRC has been won by WP. I tried to share the news with Hubby when he moved from his slumber but I'm not sure he heard me. I decided not to resist the z-monster anymore.

By the time I woke up at 9.30am the next morning, everything was over. PAP had formed the government and Lee Hsien Loong had held his press conference while I was in slumberland. It appeared that I did not miss much.I wondered if life will be the same again for people back in Singapore. Here, our Sunday progressed quietly. After checking up on the counts and margin, I went back to bed again after breakfast for a nap. And that's how half of Mother's Day was spent, tucked under the quilt, drowsily, feeling like age has definitely caught up on me. I can't even stay up late without feeling the after effects.

The sweetest thing for this year's Mother's Day came on Friday when XX brought home a handmade gift from kinder. The teacher had organised for them to decorate a glass bottle with colourful paper and glitter glue and turned it into a beautiful candle holder. There was also a small pouch of pot purri packed in a nice purple gift bag. I'll never forget XX's sweet face when he presented it to me. My first Mother's Day present from XX. Not to be outdone, KK immediately drew a drawing of 4 stickman (our family) with the words "Happy Mother's Day" on a piece of paper and presented it to me. I guess that counts as a Mother's Day card from him?



KK's card



I had originally planned to take my mom out for dinner to celebrate but due to the upcoming NAPLAN tests for KK next week, we felt it was better to postpone the dinner to the end of the week, after his tests. Instead, after sleeping off the 'politcal parties' hangover, I regained enough energy to make my mom's favourite cream puffs as dessert. 

Crazy Times

The news over the past few days have been focused on the same things: the earthquake in Christchurch, the uprising in Libya and the latest tax on carbon in Australia. Not very good news, especially the first two.

My heart goes out to our kiwi neighbours, whose unfortunate geographical position has caused much disaster and devastation over the last 6 months. I am saddened by the many losses of lives, many of them probably had no chance of escape when it happened. They did nothing wrong, except to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This leads me to reflect, once again, on the fragility of life. Here one moment, gone the other. How small we are compared to the forces of nature. This tragedy has a humbling effect on people and we can only accept that we don't control Nature but instead is subject very much to it.

On the other hand, some thousand of kilometres to our northwest, in Libya, people are trying to take control of their destinies from a tyrant leader. For the people there, I say 'jia you' (fight on)! It's time to say enough is enough. They deserve to live in peace and prosperity just like everyone else. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live under the rule of such a crazy control freak of a leader for so long. And I can only fear for them if this leader do not get defeated and has a chance for revenge.

Nearer to us, Australia's PM has just annouced that there will be a price to pay for carbon emission from next year. Companies will be taxed, a fixed rate initially, on the carbon emissions they produced. This increase in cost for them will no doubt be passed to the consumers at the end and have a direct impact on our livelihoods in terms of increased prices on basically everything that involves carbin emissions in its production. While I agree that we must reduce our carbon footprints on earth and this green policy is aimed as such, I'm not sure if it will be effective enough to have a visible impact. Companies will still produce what they need to produce because there is a demand for consumption. Will they really try to research for alternative 'greener' methods of production to reduce their carbon tax or won't it be easier to just pass on the increased cost? At the end of the day, even if it is effective, the benefits of such a policy on climate change will only be felt in the long term. For the time being, perhaps in our lifetime, all we'll ever feel is the pinch to our pockets. Nonetheless, if we are buying the future for our children, then perhaps the sacrifice will be worth it.   

A Year of Changes & Decisions

OMG, there's about 8 more days left to 2010. I say this every year but I can't help but want to say it again: How time flies! Looking back, we welcomed 2010 at our previous house with our friend Steven & his family from Singapore. Since then, it has been a busy year for our family. One thing happening after another. An eventful year with many changes and important decisions made.

Here's a recap:

We went back to visit Singapore in January. Upon returning to Melbourne, we decided to switch KK's school. (See story here.) By March, he started at his current school and soon after we moved into another property nearer to the school. Besides having to adjust to a slightly smaller and older house, we had to adjust to a new neighbourhood. Over the year, we familiarised ourselves with the road conditions, found regular places to shop, explored the local libraries and made a few new friends in the vicinity. The boys now have regular swimming lessons 10 mins away and XX was enrolled for kindergarten next year at the community hub nearby. Slowly, we got settled and more comfortable in our new environment.

This year, around June, Hubby started a new job as well. It means a change in the lifestyle we have gotten used to for the past 2 years. For Hubby, he no longer can work from home and has to commute to work, like many locals, every morning. It's win and lose for him. Though he no longer have the flexibility to sleep late or work in his pyjamas, at least now he doesn't have conference calls at 4am in the morning. He's also getting the local experience and network which is good in the long term. But for me, I can no longer count on his help around the house during the day. We rarely have breakfast and lunch together anymore on weekdays and I became the designated chaffauer for the kids, ferrying them to school, swiming lessons and medical/dental appointments. Hubby like to say I've had it good for the last 2 years, so now my holiday is over. Sigh, he's right.

My sister and brother-in-law came over to visit us in July. It was their first time visiting us since we moved to Melbourne. It was also World Cup season then and I had fond memories of watching soccer at 2am in the dark living room, wrapped up in blankets, eating nachos and drinking coke with them. 

After my sis' visit, we decided to start house hunting. We'd found a good school for the kids and Hubby has got a stable job to secure finance. The time was right for us to settle down and have a place to call our own. From July till September, we focused our weekends searching the nearby suburbs for a suitable house. I spent a lot of time looking at real estate websites, shortlisting houses to inspect over the weekend.  

Late into winter (September), we went on our first skiing holiday. It was not the first time we tried to ski but it was the first time that the whole holiday was dedicated to nothing but skiing. All of us took lessons, got into ski gears and had our first taste of skiing down the slopes of Mount Hotam, except for XX, who is still a bit too young.

Three quarters of the year had passed and I was wondering if I could move into a new house before the end of it. The search had not been successful. I didn't know it can be so difficult finding a house you like. But we were getting closer. By Oct, we were only searching in 2 specific suburbs. Then, a plot of land came to my attention. It was in the right suburb, had the right orientation and the price was alright. We decided on it within 2 days and our fate is set. We will be building our dream home from scratch instead. It will take longer but it's probably better, since we can't seem to find a right one yet.

Due to the changes in routines and focus on finding a house, I find myself having less time and less inspiration to do my patchwork and creative stuff. Though I did manage to make a handbag and some mini pouchettes recently after the land was settled. I haven't been very experimentative in my baking and cooking either, preferring to make simple dishes and use tested recipes. 

As the year closes, I find myself looking forward to the next one with excitment. Next year, XX will go to kindergarten for 2 days a week. It's not a big change but I'm eager to see him take that first step into formal schooling. I'll probably get him to take Chinese lessons like KK as well on Saturdays. For KK, I'm looking forward to him having a fresh start with a new class next year. I hope it will be a good year of learning for him. As for Hubby and I, we'll be busy working on our new house. There's gonna be lots of decisions and pain (judging from some of our friends who built their houses as well) working with the builders to get the house up. I only hope there won't be any major delays and hopefully we can shift in by midyear.

So my new year resolution for 2011 is gonna be "manage my time better". Next year, I know I'll be even more busy. Besides the usual chores and routine, I'll have to drop by our new place every other day to check on the building process. If I hope to write more and learn more, maybe something new, I'll definitely need to manage my time better.  
  
  

Time Goes By

Gosh, it's the middle of June already! Where have I been? Time gushes by so quickly, I don't even have time to write down some of the happenings. What have I been doing?

Busy keeping warm is one. The autumn season has arrived in full force and winter is right at our doorstep. The nights comes early (abt 5pm) and there're plenty of clouds that bring rain and block out whatever precious sunlight we have. Washing clothes is now a problem for me. I don't have many hours of sunshine and have resorted to using the dryer and hanging the clothes indoors. My fleece coat and leather boots are part of my wardrobe now and everyone bathes with the heater on in the bathroom.

I've been rather invisible recently in cyberspace - email, Facebook and blogger. That's because I've moved my focus to a new patchwork project. May has also been a busy month of celebrations. First there was Mother's Day, followed by my birthday. It was a low key celebration for me this year, but nevertheless, there were 3 days of feasting in my honour. A friend from Singapore came in early June to visit and we have spent some time with her and her family. Otherwise, I'm busy as usual with the children, cooking, baking, cleaning, coupled with reading and watching drama movies/serials, my 'after-hours' relaxtion.

I did find time to try out a few new recipes during this time. They were interesting experiences in my baking and cooking journey. Took some pictures and meant to blog about them. But as time goes by and new events come up, I'm not sure if I'll eventually post them up....;-p

Well, that's all for now. Just a little note to anyone who might be concerned that all's well and good down here in our liitle corner of the world. Hope everyone is keeping well too. My computer has just been reformatted, so all my archive of pictures are not very accessible right now, though they are safe. Will post up some pictures next time!

Mother's Day

Last Sunday was Mother's Day. And the first thing I had to do on Mother's Day was to apologise to my son. He was upset with me for letting out his 'secret' the night before.

KK had pulled me aside to tell me a 'secret' as I was about to get into my friend's car to go for dinner. This friend of mine was driving a Toyota Kluger and KK had sat inside there once. His so-called 'secret' was to tell me about a hidden armrest in the backseat! I smiled, waved goodbye and as I got into the car, turned to tell my friends what he said. He heard me and as I closed the door said, "I heard that!" I didn't think much of it anymore but the next morning, upon waking up, KK showed me he was pretty upset about it. So there I was in my pyjamas, humbly saying sorry and trying to regain my son's trust. Even though I didn't consider it to be anything secretive, I admit it was my mistake for failing to respect my young son's feelings.

This event made me realised that my child has grown up. No longer a little tot who doesn't know what the adults are talking about, KK is now listening to our conversations, getting aware of his surroundings and he cares about how others perceive him. So he can get pretty sensitive if we are laughing at him. He knows the meaning of the word "embarrassed" and uses it when he doesn't want to do something. Previously we can share openly anecdotes about him with our friends, I now have to keep in mind his feelings if he's around us.

Luckily, I got off the hook easily with extra kisses and KK got up to help his dad prepare a Mother's Day breakfast for me. In the end, his dad did most of the work and KK got some scolding as he was more interested in eating the bacon that was fried. But he did butter one toast and arranged the food on the plate. So much for making me feel special.

The other highlight of this year's Mother's Day was a celebratory dinner at Crown on the eve with 11 other Singapore mothers. I had formed this group called "Singapore Mothers in Melbourne" on Facebook last year and slowly the members had grown to about 20 plus. Some of us already know each other and have been meeting regularly. This year, I decided to organise a dinner, just for the ladies, to celebrate Mother's Day. 12 Singapore mothers attended. We dressed up nicely, left our children at home and abandoned our motherly duties for one night. It was naughty but fun. I got to know some of the moms for the first time and everyone had a good time exchanging stories and taking photographs over buffet dinner.

The partying over, we reserved the actual day itself for our family. No matter what, Mother's Day is only meaningful with the presence of our children and husbands. Without their support and love, there will be no purpose and laughter in our lives. So while I celebrate my motherhood, I want to take this time to thank my children and husband for everything that they've given me - the role, the joys, the trials, the laughters and the responsibilities.

Happy Belated Mother's Day, especially to my mom, without whom I won't be in this world, and to all of you out there!

Return & Reduce

Here's our latest effort in doing our bit for the earth: A compost bin.

As the name implies, a compost bin is basically a waste bin where we encourage decomposition to take place. We throw our grass cuttings and kitchen scraps there instead of towards the normal bin. Over time, when the decomposition is done, we can use the compost as an organic fertilise for our garden. I think it's a really natural way to turn bad stuff into good stuff and return them to earth while at the same time reduce the amount of rubbish we contribute to the landfills.

Many things can be thrown into the compost bin, like vegetables, fruits, egg shells, shellfish shells, tissues, paper & cardboard, vaccumn dust fluff & feathers, human hair, tofu and even teabags. However, we should not put in meat, bones and dairy products (they produce a bad smell and attract pests), human waste (although diluted urine is ok), fatty food waste and vegetables cooked in oil or salad dressings.

The bin has to be placed in the garden and somewhere further away from the house, in case of smell and pests. Worms are encouraged to move into the bin to aid in the process so the bin actually has no bottom and sits on the ground. There are small holes at the sides of the bin to encourage air inside but keep out the pests. And we've got to stir it to add lots of air for the composting bugs. Just like cooking, the compost actually produces heat and has to be stirred once in a while to ensure even "cooking".

Our composting process is still young so it may be some months before we can see and use any compost material for our garden. Meanwhile, I've been dilligently separating and saving my kitchen waste in an ice-cream tub to contribute to the compost bin. It's not much actually as my family is small but I have the satisfaction that instead of wasting away inside a plastic bag in a landfill of trash, the food are going back to earth in a few month's time.

Hubby & I have always been pretty concerned about the fate of our planet and wherever possible in our daily lives, we hope to make a small difference to reduce our carbon footprints on this earth. A compost bin might not be practical for everyone but there are still many ways we can do our little bit for earth. Simply by reducing our wastage, we are reducing our carbon output and very often, our electric and water bills as well.

Some ways we hope it helps:

• Turn off lights/fans when not in the room.
• Use energy saving lights and energy/water efficient fridge/washing machine.
• Operate washing machine only when it is a full load. Use cold water and a shorter washing cycle.
• Choose a fuel efficient car to buy.
• Walk KK to school when the weather permits.
• Take short showers. KK is not allowed to play in the shower when the water is running.
• Use heaters and air-conditioners only when neccessary. Put on an extra sweater instead of turning on the heater when it's chilly.
• Reuse water for washing vegetables to water the plants. XX's bath water (without soap) is poured into the watering can and fed to our plants.
• Use environment friendly laundry detergents and recycle the grey water from the washing machine to water the plants. (We only use this water for flowers and plants that we do not consume, just in case.)
• All paper, cardboard cartons, plastic containers and metal cans are separately thrown into the recycle bin.
• Plastic bags are seldom thrown away (unless they are torn) and reused for rubbish.
• We try to bring our own grocery shopping bag and not use any more plastic bags than needed.
• Whenever possible, it is my aim to reuse old bedsheets and clothings in my patchwork crafts. I find it a waste to throw away old clothes, so I either keep them and reuse as rags or give them away to someone or donate them to 2nd hand charity shops like the Salvation Army.
• In my cooking, I try to minimise the use of equipment and plan the sequence so I have less to wash up.
• If I plan to cook using the oven that day, I might time my baking at that time as the oven is already heated up and save on the energy/gas consumption.

As much as possible, we should try to reduce our consumption of processed food. Besides the healthy factor, what I find very "ungreen" are the many containers and product packagings that everything comes in nowadays. Just take a look at the shelves of supermarkets. Rows and rows of cardboard boxes, glass jars and plastic bottles. After the food is consumed, what happens to the containers? They get thrown out. Even if we try to recycle some of them, there're still too many that we have to dump. Right, some things like ice-cream must come in a tub, but much of the food on those shelves are convenience food. Food that we don't need to eat out of a jar and can make from fresh ingredients. Take for example packaged orange juice vs freshly squeezed orange juice. Which has more vitamins, less sugar and cost less? It doesn't take that long to squeeze the orange and the peels can also be used or composted.

Of course, in our modern busy world today, not everyone has the time to make our own jam and tomato puree? I'm guilty myself of many packaged purchases filling my freezer and larder. This is gonna be our way of life for a long time unless forced by some drastic climatic disaster to change but I hope our little efforts to reduce wastage and return to nature what we can would stretch our earth's limited resources and ensure our children continue to enjoy the fruits of this earth a little longer.

Thoughts of a Migrant

There was an article on 26 March at The Age entitled "Victoria's population growth fastest in nation". Basically it reported that amongst all the state in Australia, Victioria has the highest absolute population growth (of 117,900) in the year to September, 70% of which is from overseas migration. What's more intesting are the comments that followed. Most compalined about the pressure on resources due to the population boom, like health care, transport and also on housing prices. However one fellow "Grumpy" wrote: "Cheer up! Melbourne is still on the list of the 'World's most liveable cities', although it's starting to feel like Singapore now." LOL.

I cannot help but feel a tad bit conscious that my family of four are probably one of those immigrants that has arrived and contributed to the "squeeze". Ironically, it was partly the "squeeze" back in Singapore that propelled us here. Just like how some Singaporeans see the foreign immigrants as taking away their ricebowls, school places, HBD flats etc, I perfectly understand how these Australians feel.

It's interesting to note the parallels between Australia and Singapore. Both nations were built with the help of immigrants. Most of the whites in Australia had their ancestors from Europe. In Singapore, our forefathers came to Nanyang from China. As the nation develops and the economy grows, more migrants are needed for the workforce. Whether we like it or not, excessive immigration change the geography of the society and put pressure on resources, especially if the government has not made proper plans for the population expansion.

You might ask, while Singapore is already busting at its seams, Australia is a much bigger land, so why the grumblings about too many immigrants? Well, though there is much land, most of it are not yet developed. With the housing developments, roads, railways and basic infrastructures also need to be built to keep up with demand. Unfortunately, many Australians are feeling that the roads are getting more congested, the trains are more and more crowded, the queues at the hospitals are getting longer and the prices of houses are getting too high. Fingers are naturally pointing to the government's relaxed immigration policies and poor planning.


It is perhaps easier to count our blessings. As least, both countries still has control over the kind of immigrants that comes, more or less. I'm thinking about Tibet and how they are also a society with an influx of Chinese immigrants, only they have no choice. With the Chinese occupation in 1950 and the invasion of all things Chinese since then, their culture, language and the Tibetan race itself are at a risk of severe dilution.

At least, Australia and Singapore are still considered attractive to immigrants. Don't want to have any foreigners in your country? Try being a citizen in Cambodia or North Korea.

We may be two generations apart but my migration is no different from that of my grandfather when he came to Singapore many years ago from China. We are all in search of a better life.