Ready, Steady, Hold

I think it is a mother's natural instinct to want to protect her children but often I ask myself where the line is to being 'over' protective.

Since I started this "5 minutes" routine with the kids where I'll lie in bed with them for a while before they sleep, I've had the privilege to have a short chat with KK before he sleeps. Snuggled cosily under the quilt and in the darkness, he's more relaxed and more keen to share voluntarily about the happenings of his school and his feelings. And he had been telling me that he doesn't like school because some of his classmates in school bully him. He said some of them call him "dumb" and sometimes they also make fun of his accent and pronunciation. There were also some pushing and taunting during play time.

My heart goes out to him when he told me he felt hurt by what they said. I can fully understand how such experiences can affect his school life and learning. I was a school kid once and I know that much more than academic work, being accepted and finding friends that you can hang out with is an important aspect of their school life. It seems that in his class this year, he has not been able to find that special friend yet. And my son is very sociable in nature. He doesn't know how to play by himself. In fact, he NEEDS to play with others. So even though the other kids treat him that way and we told him countless times to leave them alone and do something else, he'll still go after them and wants to play with them.

Honestly, I felt a little anger too initially. Especially since he had given me names of some boys and girl that have been especially abusive, I felt like going to those kids and telling them to bugger off. Also, I wondered if I should write to the school to ensure that these kids don't go to the same class as him next year. Luckily I'm not an impulsive or rash person. I know that parents should refer such matters to the teachers instead and not approach the kids directly. Even then, I struggled if I should talk to his teacher about his complaints. On the one hand, I wish to help him achieve a happier school life but on the other, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting yet. Calling names is definitely rude but I believe some of the things these kids do to each other are just childish behaviour or playfulness. Being boys, they can get pretty rough too when they play, so pushing and shoving is normal and might not be bullying behaviour. I probed KK to make sure that he was not the only 'target'.

At the end of the day, I did not talk to the teacher. I decided to let my son work it out himself before I step in. Much as I wish to be there for him all the time, it is not possible that I solve everything in life for him. In his adult and working life in the future, he's gonna meet more nasty people and he needs to learn how to deal with these situations. Instead, I counselled that he doesn't have to pay any attention to their name calling as they are not true (he's definitely not dumb). I told him that by ignoring them, they'll soon get tired and move on to someone else. As for his friends, if they don't want to play with you, go find someone else. He should choose friends that are kind and good natured. I'm also considering it a good idea to let him learn some form of self-defence martial arts. Firstly, it'll toughen his scrawny body up and secondly, he knows how to protect himself in case he's attacked.

At eight years old, KK is going through some important lessons in life on socialising and human relations. These are important interpersonal skills that will build up over time and bring him into adulthood. I hope he will slowly figure his own way of adapting and fitting in. In the meantime, as a mother, I will continue to watch and listen. Ever ready to step in and rescue my children should they ever call for help.