Best Guest Behaviour 101

We recently heard yet another horror story about a friend's guest experience gone sour, proving once again the wisdom of the old Chinese saying "相处好, 同住难" (meaning: getting along is easy, staying together is difficult) is true, even amongst the best of friends and within the family.

I believe it is very common for Singaporeans living in Australia to invite visiting friends and family every now and then to stay in their house. I know most people welcome the reunion and additional company, even though it comes at the expense of privacy and adjustments to daily routine. All's well that ends well if one's guests are "automatic" (自动) and a pleasure to live with. But ever so often, it is inevitable that differences in habits and lifestyle could pose potential sources of conflicts and create tensions between the host and the hosted.

Now, there must be some misunderstandings. Which guest in the right frame of mind would come stay with their hosts with the idea of antagonising them intentionally? We all want to be that "pleasure to live with" type of people right? Perhaps some guests don't realise that there's such a thing as the "right" behaviour? Maybe their parents never taught them and they didn't learnt it in school? How nice if there was some course that people could take before they become someone's guest?

I don't claim to be the expert in courtesy and I do hereby apologise if I have upset any of my previous hosts despite my best efforts. But I do feel pretty inspired by all that I've heard and experienced to far to write in my humble blog some insights on "How to be a guest that will be welcomed again". I'll call it "Best Guest Behaviour 101".....cool?

Here are some tips....

1) Show your appreciation. Your hosts have opened up their house and probably saved you lots of money in hotel accommodation. The least you could do is tell them "thank you" and buy them a good meal before you go.

2) Make yourself at home. This means keeping the house clean and tidy as you would like yours to be. Pick up after yourself and don't draw the line when it comes to doing the dishes. Offer to help with some housework if your stay is longer than 1 week, unless of course your host can afford to have a live-in butler or chambermaid. Offer to cook some of the meals if you eat with them most of the time. If your cooking skills are lousy, offer to buy dinner on some nights.

3) Respect the house rules. If your host don't smoke in the house, then do the same. If your host don't wear shoes in the house, don't step in with yours. If your host doesn't allow his child to eat biscuits at the sofa, don't allow yours too. Take the cue from your host. If neccessary, ask for exemptions.

4) Offer to share expenses. Your host may not take your money but will definitely appreciate the gesture. Take turns to pay for groceries or share the bill. If you stay longer than 1 month, it would be nice to offer to chip in with the household bills as water, electricity and gas all goes up with additional people living under the roof.

5) Save money for your host. This includes conserving power (like using heating/cooling sensibly, turning off lights, appliances when not in use) and not wasting water (when you wash the dishes, shower etc). Some people may not be aware that Victoria is in the middle of a drought and there are water restrictions being enforced in many places. So water is very precious here. Many people are also not aware that the internet usage here are capped with a limited amount of data transfer, unlike Singapore where it's often unlimited. Some telcos charge a bomb for every MB when the cap is exceeded. Others penalise you by reducing your internet speed. So do check with your hosts before you start to download that blockbuster movie.

6) Don't leave your mess behind. Clean up the litter in your room, remove the bedsheets and fold the blankets when you check out. If there are some things that you don't wish to bring with you, dispose of them or check with the host if they mind inheriting. Don't reciprocate your hosts' hospitality with the inconvenience of dealing with the aftermath of your behaviour. This also includes settling all traffic fines and debts so your host will not be hassled 3 months after you leave with police summons.

There are probably another 101 nitty gritty things that we should take note of when staying under the hospitality of others. Feel free to add on. At the end of the day, I think these "good guests" acts all boils down simply to Respect and Consideration for others. Putting yourself in the shoes of others and treating others the way you would like to be treated. For the sake of harmony.